My response.

So. I heard back from the pre-service unit about my email. This is their response:

Your file was assigned to a nurse as of February 23, 2010.   Your nurse is currently reviewing files of applicants that are departing with earlier programs and so has not yet been able to begin your review.  This is our busiest time of year so reviews are currently taking up to 16 weeks or longer.  We are aware of your estimated departure date.

Thanks for your patience.

Best,

The Office of Medical Services

Pre-Service Unit

So even after I ask them to clarify, their response is still teeming with ambiguity.

Meanwhile, my friend Mariah, whose PC departure date is in July, just finished her medical clearance. AKA she's leaving after me, and they're already done with her paperwork. wtf.
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I also CC'd the same email to my recruiter Tori Wilson to ask her what's up. She had a better response. She hypothesized that maybe they are frantically filling the positions with people who are already cleared, and since I am not cleared yet, my paperwork is just getting pushed back further and further while the spots fill up for people who are more ready to go. She also told me not to worry about the legal status taking a long time because apparently they always wait to clear people on that until after the medical review is passed. She then gave me the contact info of someone in the medical office, and that I can talk to that person as long as I realize its a favor and that I'm not really supposed to be asking this girl questions since she's too busy with more important things. I'll keep that on the back-burner until

So to summarize, Tori is awesome, but the medical clearance office staff are getting to me.